by Brina Tan

Growing up was difficult as my father was often out of town for work. As a result, he and my mother had an estranged relationship. I became the messenger whenever they had to communicate on matters of the home, as well as the main caretaker for my younger siblings. These responsibilities made me grow up much faster than my peers.

Once I became an adult, I figured I had to depend on sheer diligence and tenacity to succeed. Having zero trusts in men, I was all ready to focus on my career and be single for life. A job opportunity came in 2010 and I relocated to Hong Kong, as I was curious to “see the world”. My husband (then-boyfriend) and I also began our long distance relationship the day I left Singapore.

I felt God's love at that moment, and I poured out my feelings to Him.

I started attending church in Hong Kong because I was keen on understanding God, His values and His thoughts. Having attended mission schools, I had an idea of God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit but was discouraged by my mum from being a “Christian”. So, at the age of 17, I had given up on seeking God. But wrestling to keep it all together was too much work.

During one worship session in 2011, I was overwhelmed with emotions while singing “Amazing Grace”. I felt God’s love at that moment, and I poured out my feelings to Him. I needed a job change. My company was not paying me fairly, and I needed to support my family. A month later, I was offered a contract with a 30% raise (rare in those times). Thank God for His mercy! I got married in 2014. I was offered my “dream job” in 2015. Blessings were overflowing!

My soul was shaken but my spirit turned to God.

My focus, however, remained on taking control of my life through work. Slog the hours, climb the ranks, bag the gold, retire early. I became an unbelieving believer. One fine day, I lost my job. Everything I had built crumbled. I was overwhelmed with fear of uncertainties and reputation loss. My soul was shaken but my spirit turned to God. The first thing I did was to turn on the audio of my Bible app. I listened to God’s encouragement and promises every day. His presence comforted me in those weeks.

Subsequently, I started working again, resumed the daily grind… And I felt something missing but I could not quite point out what. I felt drawn to attend the Kingdom Invasion conference in March this year, where I finally discovered what a “relationship with God” meant. This is what I had been thirsting for! In all of my 7 years of searching for answers, I had been using my head to rationalise the truth. I had not used my heart. Comprehending this was like completing the puzzle in my mind.

God had been waiting patiently for me all these years.

God had been waiting patiently for me all these years. His blessings, time and time again, are a proof of His love for me yet I had failed to realise this then. Now, in times when I do not understand what I see, I trust His heart for I know that He is good. He is better than what I think He is! I have also responded to His grace and love by forgiving my dad, the way God had forgiven me because of Jesus.

Inspire us and others!

We look forward to hearing your stories and testimonies. Click the button below to share with us.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Post comment